• 9 Strategic tips to cope with back-to-school anxiety

    9 strategic tips cope back-to-school anxiety

    Going back to school after the summer vacation can be tough on certain kids. The transition from vacation to school is not always smooth sailing during the first or even second week of the new school term. Not all kids are super excited to start school. One of those kids is my youngest daughter, Mika. School is not her favourite place to look forward to after a fun-filled holiday break. In fact, she wish to be home-schooled as she stressed this to us repeatedly. Unlike Lea (my other daughter) who is always eager for the new school year to start; Mika is not so enthusiastic.

    For the past three years, since starting Grade 1, Mika has been experiencing back-to-school anxiety.  She would get physically ill. Her blood pressure would drop resulting in dizziness, vomiting and complaints of headaches and stomach cramps. But we always insisted on school attendance and only in severe cases would keep her home. Usually by the second week of the new school year, she has settled in and all is forgotten.

    How the back-to-school anxiety manifested

    My child never had separation issues before. As a baby she never cried when separated from us. She never cried or was anxious when she started playschool or Grade R. On the contrary she was excited to go to school and adjusted well. So when she started experiencing back-to-school anxiety at the start of Grade 1; we found this behaviour profoundly odd. More so, because this was familiar territory – the building, the kids, the teachers and the rules. It wasn’t as if she was a newbie at the school. She was enrolled there from Grade R. Usually this kind of anxiety is prone when kids just start school (a new playschool or primary school). In most instances, it is the fear of being separated from the parents or an unfamiliar environment with new rules.

    At first we shrugged it off as being a behaviour problem and that she was showing resistance for returning to school. But after it happened again the following year; we realized that it is a real issue.  Upon speaking to her we got to the crux of what manifests the anxiety. She is anxious of the new grade and its challenges, a new teacher, not having the same friends in her class and the fact that her age will let her down.

    It all came down to the fact that when she was in Grade R a recommendation was made that we hold her back due to her age. Let me tell you, we weren’t aware that she knew about this. Somehow we think we can hide things like this from our kids but they are wise. Her self-confidence takes a serious knock at the start of each year and she starts feeling overwhelmed. It is a case of “will I be good enough to make the grade and will I be able to cope”. She questions her self-worth and to be honest for a child who averages over 80% and enjoys learning new things; she doesn’t have to.

    To ease the back-to-school anxiety, we decided to change things up a bit. I must say that these supporting strategies helped a lot.  As this year, her back-to-school anxiety levels were less than intense.

    Here is what you can do to help your child cope.

    9 Strategic tips to ease back-to-school anxiety and rebuild confidence

    Don’t downplay it; pay attention

    Don’t nag on your child’s head and brush it off as a behaviour problem. Back-to-school anxiety is anything but a behaviour problem. It is a psychological response from the brain that envisages danger. Pay attention to their body language and mood. Sometimes you notice things without them saying anything.

    Allow your child to express his/her fears and listen

    Give your child the opportunity to verbalise his/her fears of starting a new school year. Listen attentively to your child without interrupting. Respect your child’s feelings.

    Provide emotional support

    Show empathy but don’t dwell on the matter. Show affection – hug, laugh and let him/her know they are loved. Let your child know that he/she has your support when it comes to homework, projects and tests. Boost your child’s confidence by telling him/her how proud you are of them. Tell your child how brave he/she is, that success comes from hard work and giving it your best and that failure is not the end of the road but a learning curve.

    Empower your child with flexible thinking skills

    As parents we are not there to fix every single problem our children have. Instead empower your child by engaging and encouraging him/her to find solutions to overcome their fears. A great way is letting your child develop flexible thinking skills. This is a great way to shift the mindset, teach children how to think outside of the box, problem solve and adapt to change.

    Self-talk is one of the flexible thinking tools we encourage. It allows kids to talk to themselves in a positive way, to pose questions to themselves about why they feel overwhelmed, their fears and what strengths they have to slam those fears. This is a powerful tool to boost self-confidence at a great coping mechanism.

    Role play with dolls or finger puppets is another flexible thinking tool that works great. Imaginary scenarios leads to creativity on how to work through the problem and find solutions.

    Another flexible thinking tool that we use, is story writing. It allows your child to write a story giving as much detail about the environment, the problem and the solution.

    Of course there are many other flexible thinking tools that you can use.

    Be positive

    Don’t overreact and reverberate your child’s anxieties. Our kids look to us for guidance and it will not help if you stress as well. Choose your words wisely when engaging with your child about his/her anxieties. Let your child write down all the positives about attending school.  Let him/her place that note in their blazer or school bag. This will allow them to shift their focus from the negatives.

    Invite school friends

    During the holiday, invite a few school friends over to play. This will help maintain and strengthen friendships. Allow them to have fun to get their mind off the fears of going back to school. It will also be a trigger of excitement to see those friends at school again.

    Get back into a routine

    A week before school start, get back into your normal routine. Make sure your child gets to bed early to ensure a good nights rest for early risers.

    Visit the school before it starts

    For kids who are new to a school, try and visit the school before it start. This will give your child an idea of the layout of the school building, playground and classrooms. We usually visit the school two days before it start by going to the clothing shop. This also allows my daughter to get comfortable with the idea of returning to school. It also helps if you know who the teacher is before school starts. Avoiding unexpected surprises and disappointment on the day. At the school my daughters’ attend; the class teacher will send a welcome email before school starts. It allows the kids to get familiar with the idea of who their teacher will be. Rumors of strict teachers may spark fears but reassure your child that it is just a rumor. Each child’s experience with a teacher is different.

    Get organised

    Make sure that your child has all school uniform items. Get the school bags ready and label all stationery. Let your child help you find simple and easy to prepare lunch box ideas. Prepare a healthy breakfast that is not time consuming. Being organised on the morning of the first day of school will eliminate added stress. Should your child receive any books that require covering; then do it as soon as possible.

    Back-to-school anxiety is temporary and children will settle into their new school or grade within the first week or two. However if your child’s anxiety continues throughout the year, then seek professional help.

    Hoping that these tips will help your child cope with his/her back-to-school anxiety and have a successful academic year.


    1. January 14, 2019 / 1:49 pm

      Such sensible ideas. I love the idea of role play, a really good idea for kids to work through with you. #GlobalBlogging

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:30 am

        Thanks – yes I think using strategic ways to help boost their confidence helps tremendously #globalblogging

    2. January 14, 2019 / 8:59 pm

      Some really great ideas here! As a teacher, I see anxiety lots and it seems to be getting worse. I know it is real but I also think down playing it sometimes helps as a child can see that although we acknowledge their feelings, they have to go to school. Once they are at school, talking to their teacher so that they can give your child extra attention and encouragement can help. I also think that some children are worried about failing and this may be the cause of their anxiety. They think that they have to get everything right all the time so starting a new class, as you say, can be very stressful. Take care and I hope your daughter settles in soon. #globalblogging

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:29 am

        I bet you see lots of these when school just start. This year she has settled in very well – it’s the second week now and things are going well #globalblogging

    3. January 15, 2019 / 12:33 pm

      There are some really good ideas here, we’ve been OK so far but my boy is often a little anxious about things so I could see going back after the ling summer break maybe a bit of an issue for us #twinklytuesday

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:27 am

        Thanks for reading my post #Twinklytuesday

    4. January 15, 2019 / 2:17 pm

      Yeah, I agree, acknowledging the seriousness of their feelings is so important. #GlobalBlogging

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:27 am

        Totally agree #globalblogging

    5. January 15, 2019 / 5:51 pm

      These are some great tips. Mine aren’t at school yet but my eldest starts in September. He’s at pre-school and I noticed he was a lot more anxious about going back after the Christmas holiday so I can see how a long summer one would be even worse. #itsok

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:26 am

        Yes being on holiday and carefree without school runs and structure can make the transition a bit difficult #itsok

    6. January 15, 2019 / 7:46 pm

      These are really helpful tips. I’m finding that anxiety can strike, even after just a few days’ holiday so I’m definitely going to try these out #itsok

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:25 am

        Yes the holiday and time away from school does make the transition a bit difficult but they should settle in a few days #itsok

    7. January 16, 2019 / 12:37 am

      Lovely post Noleen, and you’ve listed some great tips as well. My boy took his time settling in to nursery, pre-school, his new nursery and even had some tears and fears at the start of reception, so I’m familiar with the situation. Supporting them and helping them effectively overcome their anxieties helps far better than reprimanding them. Thanks for sharing this with the #itsok linky.

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:24 am

        Thanks – I think children are different. Some adapt to change very quickly and ease into going to school and others need a little bit of a push and emotional support #itsok

    8. January 17, 2019 / 5:58 pm

      It’s so distressing to see any emotional pain in children and especially related to school when there is so much pressure to send them there. These are really well thought through and powerful tips. As for us we now home educate so anxiety levels are low if they exist at all #StayClassyMama

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:23 am

        It is definitely easier when you home-school – anxiety levels are probably non existent #StayClassyMama

    9. January 17, 2019 / 9:32 pm

      Noleen! So good to see you here! Thank you for linking up! My son suffers from anxiety and I have found myself scrambling to get organised, so that he can feel more in control of the day to day happenings at school! It is a reality I live everyday. #itsok

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:18 am

        Thanks Jacqui – yes I think when we plan and organise things so that we can have a smooth school run then it definitely helps to ease the anxiety a bit. Also kids pick up from us if we are anxious so we try and be calm during this time. Hope your son is doing fine #itsok

    10. January 17, 2019 / 10:40 pm

      Hi Noleen! How’s she getting on this term? I think lots of children (even adults) suffer from this. We have such a blast in the holidays so when it’s time for back to school and work, no one is overly keen. Great tips on being supportive but not dwelling on any anxiety. It’s a tough one isn’t it. Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam x

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:17 am

        Hi Annette, she has been so good and it seems as has transitioned into the new grade so well. I think what also helped was that the entire class moved over to the next grade this year – so the same kids are in her class from last year. So that also made it easier #dreamteam

    11. January 20, 2019 / 12:24 am

      I think that making sure children know they can come to us with their fears is so important to encourage communication throughout life. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:14 am

        So true – they need know that they have our support #globalblogging

    12. January 20, 2019 / 11:27 pm

      Some great tips here, my eldest struggled with anxiety for the first couple of years and it was really hard for all of us. Thanks for sharing

      • Noleen Miller
        January 21, 2019 / 10:13 am

        Thanks – yes back-to-school anxiety is real and all we can do is just support them.

    13. January 21, 2019 / 7:47 pm

      Great ideas and all really important. I remember the feeling of dread back to school brought all too well. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

    14. January 24, 2019 / 12:51 am

      Hope the stress has settled down. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

    15. January 24, 2019 / 11:40 am

      Those first few weeks back at school are always difficult – it takes time to readjust to structured days and new classrooms, rules, people, etc. I think you give some excellent advice here, though. Particularly, keeping in contact with school friends over the holidays so that there is some familiarity in the playground on that first morning back. Even walking up to school together that first day back so that our kids are eased in gently. I hope your daughter is okay – anxiety is horrible #blogcrush

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