Listening to my 55 year old work colleague talk about her activities over the past weekend made my jaw drop. Not because she had a fantastic weekend with so much relaxation. This woman worked herself to a standstill. She had a jam packed weekend with endless tasks. After numerous failed pleas of asking her husband to paint the lounge, she decided to tackle it herself. This was besides running errands, cooking, cleaning, taking the dogs to the parlour, attending fundraising committee meetings at her grandson’s creche, baby sitting her grandson the Saturday evening and still serving on the ladies committee at her church the Sunday.
She is fixated on her appearance. Slim and trim, never going without makeup, going to the hairdresser ever week and wearing those ankle braking high heel shoes.
She is a perfectionist and her house is forever spotless, nothing is out of place. This is not just your average mom; she is a super- wife, mom and now super grandmother. She spends a fortune on groceries every month, only buys food from one particular store and it must be free range and organic. This woman must excel in all she does and is not satisfied with average.
This mother of 3 and grandmother of 1; always outperforms everyone else, must have something better than anyone else. I also know her family history from years of ramblings about her husband and children. Rushing home after work has become a normal routine for her; to cook and serve dinner on time. This is a woman that still dishes her husband’s dinner and serves him. A woman who still bend over backwards for her adult children by making their beds.
But listening to her ramblings, I couldn’t help but notice that behind the makeup, fancy clothes and hair; how old she has become and how exhausted she looks. Serving others and doing things a certain way is a priority for her. But in this process she lost her true identity. For all these years she has become so obsessed to be a super mom and wife that it consumed her life.
I am not judging her but it made me think, I don’t envy her either.
Not once did my husband make me feel like the lesser spouse and that it was my duty to do certain tasks.
We always share duties. Although he does things differently to what I will; we are not set on perfection.
As parents we don’t have it all together. We definitely have our shortcomings, we slipped up and are still slipping up.
I didn’t give normal birth to both my children and I failed at breastfeeding.
We didn’t film the birth of both our children and we didn’t record every single milestone.
Both my children fell off the bed when they were about 5 months old. Still in the room but I literally just turned my back.
They had drool all over them, had snotty noses, their rompers were dirty from crawling on the floor and there were times that we didn’t change their nappies immediately.
They would sit in their high chairs and mess food all over the floor.
Our children puked on us when they were sick resulting in us cleaning up, not once but five times.
Remembering how uncomfortable my husband would lie on a single bed next to our then three year old daughter just to get her to sleep in her own bed.
We slipped up by allowing our daughters to play outside too long on a very hot Summer’s day. Causing our youngest daughter (then 4) to be hospitalised with severe dehydration. I slept on an uncomfortable couch in the paediatric ward, holding her hand to give her the assurance that I was not going to leave her side.
Crazy extra mural schedules are non existent. It’s ok if our children are not enrolled for every single activity. We also don’t force them into doing things they don’t want to.
We certainly don’t have well behaved perfect children with perfect pigtails, dressed in frilly party dresses. On the contrary they hate combing hair, sometimes wear the same clothes twice, love playing in the sand and yes they do give us lip.
There are times when our children annoy us and we yell at them.
Our children don’t have birthday parties every year; there is nothing wrong with making it special with just with a cake and a few candles.
We try our best to keep our house tidy but it is not sparkling clean and my cupboards are unorganised. I try not to notice the pile of ironing that is staring at me.
Parenting is demanding and we can’t always get to everything. Therefore we utilise our support structure – thank goodness we have one.
Yes I can multitask but why must I go at it alone. Working together as a family by involving the kids to get tasks done is important.
Gone are the days where the wife must do everything. Let alone serve her husband. I mean God created him with two very capable hands, to dish for himself.
What’s on the menu for dinner is the least of our worries. If it must be omelettes or a sandwich for dinner tonight – then so be it.
We look out for specials on groceries and can’t be bothered whether it is free range or organic. As long as it is wholesome, nutritious and healthy it is good enough.
As a mother and a wife, I have stretch marks and cellulite – I have no supermodel body. Don’t strut in high heels all day long. I don’t relax at spas or salons and I have stubborn gray hair popping out all over my head.
Yes we failed and slipped up on so many occasions throughout our 11 years of parenting. Does this make us bad parents? I believe not. We’ve forgiven ourselves for these slip ups. As parent we have our imperfections but we work flippen hard to make this parenting thing work. And let me tell you as your children grow older, it gets harder as you need to adjust your parenting style.
We don’t live by high standards, are not in competition with other parents and don’t strive for perfection.
There is no desire to be super parents; we are just average parents trying our very best.
So if you find yourself being a super mom or a super dad, relax a little, let go. Discard of your cape and lower your guard on your super human expectations. Reclaim your true identify and make yourself a priority. Look around you; take in what you see, don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s the simple things that matter around you.
Yessss!
I was telling a friend the other day that I choose my battles. If I don’t clean my kitchen tonight, it’s okay because my child is fed and healthy and clean.
Such an amazing post for parents like me. I think you really lucky to have such a children. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you!
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Thank you
So refreshing to read this. Thank you, thank you and thank you again.
Ellen x
http://www.elfeelgoodsvintage.uk
#TwinklyTuesday
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Thank you for reading my post. We all just doing the best we can to raise our kids.#TwinklyTuesday
Lovely post and I couldn’t agree more. I am very far from being a super mum but I don’t care at all. My house is messy, I can’t remember the last time I had my hair cut, I don’t often wear make-up, and my daughter might be a cheeky little monkey but she is happy. As long as she is happy then that is all that matters to me #fortheloveofBLOG
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Thank you – no matter what we are all doing the best we can and a great job at it even with our imperfections #fortheloveofBLOG
Yes I love this, so very true and perceptions tend to be deceiving X #dreamteam
Loved reading this! Beautifully written x
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Thanks
Great post, I’ve done a lot of these things too. I must say, second time around I was a lot less anxious about the small things. I think I’m on my way to find the right balance of what’s important for me and what not. #stayclassymama
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You are so right – do what is best for you and your family. No matter what, you are doing a great job as a parent.#Stayclassymama
I am no super mum in terms of the 1950’s, but I am still a super mum, my kids are loved and they know it, we are noisy, messy, wild, loved and happy, so I am happy with that. Brilliant post! #stayclassymama
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Love it, we are doing the best we can and I must say a brilliant job too. I always say as long as my kids are thriving and happy – we are doing a good job.#Stayclassymama
I love this! I know as a mom I have a lot of guilt (that I can usually squelch) about having the less-than-tidy home, or having the kids eat fast food before dance class, but we do what works for us. And that totally means leaving “perfection” far behind.
Thanks for sharing! I’ve scheduled it to share on my FB page tomorrow (Friday)
~Jess
#StayClassyMama
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Thanks for sharing and you are doing a great job as a mom.#StayClassyMama
I used to be obsessed with perfection, my mum is so tidy and cooks and cleans, she says its her passion and she actually does seem to love it, that and her garden! I realised after child 3 I just could not have those standards, it was burning me out!!! I am not her and I do not need to be, so I just stopped trying to be anyone but me. #stayclassymama
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So true, we are sometimes so obsessed about perfection and living up to a certain standard but when we have kids it’s not that simple. Sometimes we need to let go and just go with the flow. It’s ok if the house is a bit messy or we don’t have energy to cook and rather opt for take-outs. After all we are just humans, raising kids to the best of our ability.#Stayclassymama
Fantastic post. Yes there has been times when I really tried to do it all and wear the cape proudly but unfortunately life is not perfect and so I have come to realise that neither can I. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama
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Thanks. I think we all strive to do our best but it should never be about perfection. Parenthood is hard work so knowing that your kids are thriving, happy, loved and growing is all that matters.#StayClassyMama
I love this post Noleen! We set ourselves such high standards then feel rubbish when we can’t achieve them. Whereas we’re better to just do our best and what is best for our families – and what’s important is having healthy, happy children. Not strutting around looking like a supermodel! Thanks for linking up to #ItsOK
I definitely can relate to being the more laid back person in general and mom. Life is a lot! Especially for us women, we deserve a break and we should unlearn these prerequisites placed in society of what the perfect woman should be. We must define our own realities and our own.
I am glad Im an average parent, just like you! Keep up the good work #ItsOK
I really don’t believe that there are ‘super parents’ your friend at work probably glosses over a LOT. Some people are just really good at hiding things. #itsOK
Thing is we are not meant to be perfect parents: “perfect” parents who do everything stifle their kids’ initiative and resilience, so do maybe as much damage as neglectful parents. It’s about balance and being good enough. #ItsOK
I love this post! I’ve wasted so much time trying to be a super mum and not quite getting there, so now I’ve stopped trying. My kids are doing alright and that’s good enough! #itsok