• Ageing Parents

    Ageing Parents

    On the eve of my dad’s 70th Birthday, I find myself writing this blog post but feel a little perturbed.  The whole time my main focus was on his milestone celebration. Joyful and grateful that God’s grace was bestowed on my dad’s life.

    But with all this hype – I failed to take into account that my dad is ageing. Not just my dad but that I lost focus that my parents (including in-laws) are ageing.

    Blessed and filled with gratitude that the four of them are still alive. Not many have that privilege to have their parents on this earth. All of them are now in their 70’s. Although they are not bedridden, frail or terminally ill, it is unsettling to think that they are growing old and that they might not be with us for much longer.

    Three years ago we had a big scare when my dad had a heart attack and a couple of months ago the same happened to my mother-in-law. Luckily both of them survived.  That crisis made us realise that our parents are slowly becoming our responsibility.

    Still very much independent and running their own households, there are certain things that they depend on us to assist with.  The roles are now slightly reversed and as adult children we find ourselves guiding them. Especially when it comes to administrative duties and advice on things of the 21st century.

    Although all of them are still mentally healthy with my own mother still teaching at the age of 71.  Their age is starting to show. Besides the gray hairs, they are slowly becoming incapable of doing certain things. They are no longer strong and energetic.

    The slight forgetfulness, not being able to walk at a steady pace, aching backs, legs and other ailments are factors that need to be taken into account. Not forgetting the stubbornness.

    Despite the fact that we are adults and parent our own kids; we still need our parents to be in our lives. It struck me that my parents still play a vital parental role in our lives. They are our go to people for advice on cooking and how to fix certain things. They are our advisers and support structure when it comes to our children. Knowing that they are only a phone call away gives us that assurance.

    They always had our backs and still do. Supported us as young children through to adulthood in all our achievements. They laid the foundation for who we are today. They respect our decisions and don’t interfere.

    I love them and see their value and appreciate them for what they do for us. Blessed that I have the opportunity to spend time with them. I see my in-laws every day and my own parents almost every second day. Even if it is just for a pop in and out.

    I don’t know what the future holds and as I write this post, I can’t help but feel emotional as I can’t seem to imagine my life without them. But until that day comes, all I can do is show them how much I appreciate them.

    Time is something we can’t take back and we need to make those who are dear to us, a priority. At the end; memories are the only thing we have to hold on to.

    So my wish to those who are reading this blog post and who are still fortunate to have their parents on this earth; reach out to them.

    If you come out of an abusive relationship with your parents and feel it is time to repair your relationship with them – then do it today.

    If you don’t have the courage to call them, write them a note, email or send them a message to ask for forgiveness or tell them that you forgive them for what they did.

    You don’t want to have regrets; life is too short to have quibbles with your parents.

    For those who have a relationship with their parents, tell them how much you love and appreciate them.

    Make time for them.

    Don’t disrespect or judge them. Never be ashamed of who they are.

    Have patience with them; they are vulnerable and can no longer adapt or uphold to a certain lifestyle.

    Try and understand what their main focus in life is at that age, and why they are resistant to certain things.

    Stop trying to rub your believes and ideas onto them. As they grow old, establish what they want and what is best for them.

    Your intentions towards them should be genuine, don’t criticize or try and parent them.

    If they are in a home, make time to visit them, spend time with them and show them that they are still valued.

    Bottom line is…  it’s not easy to see our parents grow old. They are no longer the same people who they were a couple of years ago. Just know that you too will walk that same path one day; that’s if you will be blessed to see that age.




    1. November 7, 2017 / 9:30 am

      I just noticed this year that my parents are aging when they bought their retirement RV. They’ve talked about it for so long but I didn’t realize we were there already. It’s bittersweet. #DreamTeam

      • Noleen Miller
        November 7, 2017 / 10:21 am

        Truly it is bittersweet and to watch them age is making me sad as they still play such an important role in my life and that of my children. Thanks for reading my post.#DreamTeam

    2. November 7, 2017 / 8:46 pm

      As lovely post. Sadly, I lost my Dad 10 years ago aged 70….Iā€™d give anything for just one more conversation. The women in my family tend to love to their 90s which is wonderful but lonely. My poor Nan was alone for 40 years and my mum is only 70 herself so being on her own for 10 years already is tough. You are blessed to have all 4 parents. Xx#dreamteam

      • Noleen Miller
        November 8, 2017 / 8:52 am

        Thank you for reading my post and I’m sorry about your loss. I know I am very blessed and therefore I need to treasure the time I spend with them. Growing old alone can be very lonely – just give them as much love and time.#Dreamteam

    3. November 8, 2017 / 2:21 am

      Ugh, I do find myself judging them…unfairly. Thank you for this kind reminder ?.

      • Noleen Miller
        November 8, 2017 / 8:58 am

        Thanks for reading my post. It is absolutely normal to judge but also just keep in mind that if we are blessed to live long – we too will grow old ?

    4. November 8, 2017 / 12:13 pm

      Having my own kids gas brought me closer to mine x my dad has been unwell too. This post is an important reminder xx cherish what you have x #fortheloveofblog

      • Noleen Miller
        November 8, 2017 / 12:29 pm

        Thanks for reading my blog post. So sorry to read that your dad is not well – hoping for a healing and if it is to do with old age then please make time for him.#fortheloveofblog

    5. November 8, 2017 / 6:55 pm

      I can completely relate to this. My dad had his first heart attack when he was just 42. He was given 10 years to live, but thankfully that was 20 years ago now and he’s still fighting fit and working full time. It made me appreciate his vulnerability at a very early age and there was an immediate shift in our relationship. It’s hard to see our parents growing old, but all we can do is be thankful for every chance we have to be with them. Thanks for linking up to #DreamTeam x

    6. November 10, 2017 / 9:39 am

      So true! I add, as an expat, that ageing parents (mine and in-laws) are a huge issue for us. What will we do when they’ll need our care? Both moving back and them moving here are close to impossible choices.

      • Noleen Miller
        November 10, 2017 / 11:07 am

        Thank you for reading my post. It is not easy and especially when they so far away. Good luck.#Blogcrush

    7. November 11, 2017 / 1:22 am

      Such a lovely, heart-warming post. We tend to get so caught up with our day-to-day lives; we often forget… but we mustn’t. Even a quick phone call just to let them know we’re here, and we’re thinking about them. My parents live in India, but I still make it a point to speak/ video call (so they can talk to and see my son as well) 3-4 times a week at least.

      • Noleen Miller
        November 12, 2017 / 5:43 pm

        Thank you for reading my post. It is so important to keep in touch and that your son can know his grandparent. It also makes them feel that although they getting older, they are still valued. #Blogcrush

    8. November 12, 2017 / 5:14 am

      This is a really nice post, with a lot of food for thought. Thought, not necessarily time. TY #dreamteam xox

      • Noleen Miller
        November 12, 2017 / 5:40 pm

        Thank you for reading my post. This topic is really dear to my heart and I wanted people to sit and give it some thought as there are so many factors involved when it comes to the elderly not just the time factor – I’m glad I accomplished that.#dreamteam

    9. November 14, 2017 / 2:38 pm

      You are so right – I think when we’re younger we think that our parents are invincible. Walt Disney had it right that there is no greater loss for a child than a loss of a parent and we never lose that even when we grow up. It’s never going to be easy, but it’s so important to cherish time together. thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofblog

      • Noleen Miller
        November 14, 2017 / 2:47 pm

        Absolutely – time is so precious. Thank you for reading my post.#fortheloveofBlog

    10. November 14, 2017 / 3:29 pm

      Bittersweet words — but a beautiful reminder for those who still have parents to love and be loved by. We lost my husband’s parents and my dad early in our married life, and just said good bye to my mum last summer, so I can attest to the precious-ness of these days you are cherishing.

      • Noleen Miller
        November 15, 2017 / 8:17 am

        I’m so sorry for your loss – time is everything and memories are forever so I’m making as much time now for my parents.Thanks for reading my post.

    11. November 15, 2017 / 9:39 pm

      I remember when I first noticed my dad was getting on a bit. He’s 12 years older than my mum and it had never really been noticeable before, but age takes it’s toll, on his hair, on his hearing, on his joints. He still acts like a spritely 20-something most of the time and he says his young family keep him young, but like you, I fear the day he and the rest of our parents leave us alone to navigate the world. Thanks for sharing #BlogCrush

      • Noleen Miller
        November 16, 2017 / 8:05 am

        It is bittersweet and it’s strange but in fact a reality than one day we will walk that same path. That’s why it is so important to treasure each moment spent with them as a precious one. Thanks for reading my post.#Blogcrush

    12. November 18, 2017 / 10:54 pm

      Such a lovely post. I lost my dad five years ago when he was 64 and I wish so much that he was still in my life. My mum is in her early sixties and whilst she is still young at heart, there are the odd struggles that she has that make me remember she is growing old too. I hope that she is around for many many more years but make the most of her always šŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

      • Noleen Miller
        November 19, 2017 / 12:17 pm

        So sorry about your dad but that is all part of life. Treasure the time you have left with your mom – it is so preasures. Thanks for reading my post.#TwinklyTuesday

    13. January 21, 2019 / 6:32 pm

      Hey Nicole, What a great post. This past September I reunited with my parents. It had been some 15 years, and about 5-7 before that.They did not have the skill set to offer the olive branch, and I did. Thankfully, they took it and I am very grateful, as are they. #globalblogging xoxo

    14. January 21, 2019 / 10:45 pm

      I agree it isn’t easy to watch your parents grow old. My Dad is no longer with us and my Mum in her 80s, it all happens so fast. #GlobalBlogging

    15. January 22, 2019 / 12:05 am

      Beautiful post & so true. This really should be said a lot more often šŸ™‚ Thank you for sharing! #globalblogging

    16. January 22, 2019 / 1:51 am

      This is so true. My Dad is in his 70’s infact he is closer to 80 than 70 now and I still see him as I saw him when I first moved out helping me fix my house up. He still sees himself that way too but is beginning to feel it a little more afterwards. I don’t know what I will do without my dad.

    17. January 23, 2019 / 7:56 pm

      Hi Nicole, Back again from #globalbloggingxoxo

    18. January 26, 2019 / 10:24 pm

      I feel very fortunate that both my parents are healthy and live only 2 streets away so I see them all the time and they have a great relationship with my children. My cousins have lost both parents and quite a young age, my husband lost his dad 10 years ago and his mum has cancer. We all need to spend extra time with our parents and not take them for granted. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

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