2019 Reflection: Light shines through dark cracks

It is December, 31st and as I am awaiting the dawn of a new year and decade; I am doing a 2019 reflection. Now I’ve never been one to set New Year’s resolutions. I don’t believe in the hogwash “New Year, New Goals, New Me”.  Instead at the end of 2018 I decided to select a word that would guide me through the new year. Inspired by One Little Word, that word for me was LIGHT.

The word was drawn to me in so many ways. It was highlighted in several books that I read and on 3 January it was affirmed that it was indeed the right word for me as I sat on the beach soaked up the sun.  

I didn’t overthink this word but LIGHT brought meaning to so many things.

2019 started off with a bang. Venturing outdoors for early morning walks, hikes and visits to the beach. Welcoming the sun rising. 

The first part of the year also saw me decluttering a lot to live a little lighter. Getting rid of unwanted goods. I lost a few kilograms as I ate lighter, exercised more and felt so much better in my clothes.  

In February I drew inspiration from my father’s garden.  I spent hours admiring and photographing his work. Some of it I shared on my Facebook page. I was in awe of the delightful mix of beautiful bright flowers that blossomed. Bringing so much colour and radiance to the garden. This made my heart so happy. Convinced that it was his best growing season ever.

Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.  – Luther Burbank

Strangely my father’s garden ignited an old flame which is a passion for photography. I dusted off my DSLR camera and attended a photography workshop to brush up on my skills. Exploring shooting in manual mode and letting light in through the lens. Revealing the beauty that shines through by documenting it through images.

On the work front things were demanding. Our department underwent an audit and team work was important in order to give support and lighten the load.

Attending events gave me insight and exposure to new ventures, allowing me to connect and share my own ideas and the opportunity to meet new people.

But things weren’t all bright and light in 2019. Looking back; it was no walk in the park. Without a doubt, it was a tough year. 

Four months into 2019, I lost my father. I was tested emotionally, physically and mentally. With grief came so many struggles and challenges. I neglected the one space where I felt I could pour out my thoughts and allow my creativity to flow. And that was this space – my blog. Miller In The City took a serious backseat in 2019. I felt uninspired to create content.

Apart from the sudden death of my father; a major career decision loomed and was hanging like a sword over our heads. Considering everything, the decision couldn’t be taken lightly. It was going to have a huge impact on our entire family. Then both of Brent’s parents were hospitalised and had to undergo serious operations. The responsibility that we had to bear was enormous especially as we are the only immediate family in the country.

Like they say if it doesn’t rain, it pours.  All of these events caused such a lot of stress and frustrations. I felt even more lost in darkness. There were times when I was unsure that I would find the light at the end of the dark tunnel.  

Yes, at some point, we all experience darkness in our lives but I was determined not to feel trapped and controlled by it. Through my faith I prayed to God to give me strength, guidance and light through the dark times.

The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? – Psalm 27:1

I was fragile and the cracks were visible but God’s light shined through to replace the darkness and brought healing. God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. He brought awareness and clarity into the situations that we were facing. Things worked out for a reason and we made a logic decision based on what is best for our family.

We are all a bit broken at some point but take comfort that the light shines through the dark cracks no matter how faint – Noleen Miller.

2019 has also made me realise that life is short and should not be taken for granted. Those who are alive should live their life with great meaning and celebrate this precious gift every single day. In saying that life should not be taken too seriously. Laughter has been a great healing mechanism for me. To be able to lighten up brought so much positivity into my life.

Through it all I wasn’t even aware that I was shedding my light on others. The positivity allowed me to give of myself, to support, to nourish and encourage those who needed it most. The outpouring of love I received enabled me to share it with so many other people.

2019 you weren’t easy but I am grateful for the valuable lessons which brought perspective. I am grateful for the support of family and friends. Throughout the year I met some awesome people who inspired me and I had the privilege to experience new and wonderful things.

So as I bid farewell to another year, I look back and reflect on what has been, the things I cannot change and the things I was blessed with. 2019 your journey has come to an end and in a few hours you will be in the past.

I now look forward to the future and await 2020 – it is a mystery but I am oh so ready to embrace the unknown.

Bring on 2020!!!