When your kids are toddlers you tend to do everything for them. When they get to preschool age, you slowly teach them how to do things for themselves; from tying their shoe laces to dressing themselves. And once they’ve mastered the basics you start introducing small chores. Letting them set the table, folding the washing and eventually moving to bigger chores like feeding the pets, doing the dishes, vacuuming and dusting.
Both my girls are currently at an age where they are very independent. They can dress themselves, do their own hair, make their own beds, prepare their own cereal and sandwiches, make a cup of coffee and operate the microwave. Their chores are set out and each one knows exactly what is expected of them. So how is it possible that children who are capable of doing all these things are suddenly incapable of getting up to get their own juice, snack or whatever they need at that moment in time.
I will tell you why, a simple three letter word that starts with a “d” – dad. They will start demanding left, right and centre the minute their dad is at home. Lea would shout, “Dad can I please have some Milo”. Followed by Mika who will shout, “Dad can I please have some chippies”. The list of demands is endless. This behaviour is not portrayed when I am alone with them. I simply do not allow it. Although they are very polite and will always ask please and when their request is met followed by a thank you – it still works on my last nerve.
When I asked Lea and Mika why they demand things from their dad. Their nonchalant answer was “well when we ask you, you always say we must go get it ourselves.” “Daddy likes to bring things to us, he doesn’t have a problem with it”. I then asked my husband why he allows the girls to order him around. His answer was “I am the only male in the house and as you three are the ladies in my life, you are mean everything to me and I simply love doing things for you”. To be quite honest, that answer did not surprise me at all. That is the type of person he is.
But still how can he not have a problem with it and why does he tolerate it. He knows that as parents, we do have common ground when it comes to rules. Both of us do not tolerate tantrums, rude behaviour and disrespect. We certainly do not allow demands for material things and they do not get everything that they want. We also do not hover over our children. They are reminded to take responsibility for their own behaviour and belongings. And with every unfavourable action there is a consequence.
So knowing all of this, why is he allowing this kind of behaviour? Why does he not draw the line and in this instance why doesn’t he draw a very thick line for that matter with a bright red choki? It surely irritates the hell out of me as we are not our children’s slaves on the contrary we should be ordering them around for all that we’ve done for them thus far and still doing.
Then it struck me, he will do anything for his girls, he loves them and they love him unconditionally. He also loves to feel needed. He feels that as the male figure in the house he needs to treat us like royalty, the queen and princesses. I must admit that my husband does bring me coffee in bed, and occasionally offer to get me things that I need, be it from the kitchen or shop and yes I do take up the offer but I do not demand this.
So for now, although to my irritation, I will back off. I will no longer interfere as long as they know the rules and what my stance on the matter is. I also know that they do appreciate what their dad does for them. Let’s see how long his tolerance levels will last. I hope he draws the line in the near future.
When my children became more independent, I registered as a child minder and did that for many years until I’ll health forced me to give up#fortheloveofblog@_karendennis
aww its so lovely that he treats you all like that although like you the demanding is very annoying i’m dreading what my oh is going to be like when my girls grow up a bit! #fortheloveofblog
Author
I get beyond irritated sometimes but I’ve backed off. #fortheloveofBLOG
The way he treats you is so loving and I hope the girls grow to appreciate him more and more. I find it hard to let the kids do things for themselves sometimes but they need to learn to cope in the world by themselves 🙁 Thanks for linking up with #fortheloveofBLOG
Author
I think my husband is their favourite parent – lol. We all appreciate him so much but it can be a bit irritating when they demand and he just gives in.
That’s so sweet – I’d also add, just because they ask him to do it, and he does, doesn’t mean the girls don’t know how to do it themselves, so they are still independant. They’re just trying it on…and can you blame them 😉 #Dreamteam
Author
They are definitely trying their luck and he is such a softy when it comes to them.#DreamTeam
It’s tricky when one parent has a different approach from another parent – though his reasoning behind it is very sweet! #dreamteam
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I know he has good intentions but somehow the line needs to be drawn.#Dreamteam
My kids don’t bother asking their dad for anything like that. They only ask him for things they know I will say no to – like coke, or another sweet!
Little girls are the ultimate manipulators!
#stayclassymama
Author
Well it is clear in our house who the favourite parent is and I really don’t have a problem with it. I know they love me but also know that there is a special relationship with girls and their dads. They know that I’ve set boundaries and don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour – but their dad just spoil them. You so right they just know how to manipulate.#StayClassyMama
You read so much about parenting being a united front, but it really doesn’t have to be. As long as you are both firm on the same “big deal” topics, some indulgence here and there is okay. I also think it’s great for the kids to learn that everyone is different, and some people will be tough all the time while others can be persuaded. I know that’s maybe not a great lesson to learn, but it’s true in real life. Some people are genuinely helpful and indulgent of others. As long as your kiddos keep their manners at all times, and know what is regularly expected of them I think you and your husband are doing everything right!
~Jess
#StayClassyMama
Author
I’ve come to a point where I just let it go – he has a different way of parenting to me but we are both on the same page when it comes to certain things. Kids however also know how to push their boundaries and sometimes manipulate by playing parents up against each other. As long as he is happy in spoiling them, then let him be. He will have do deal with it if he gets fedup as I will not get involved.#StayClassyMama
That is so sweet that he wants to pamper his girls. I think everyone needs a bit of pampering from those closest to them, I absolutely adore when Hubster brings me snacks and drinks during our tv time. #DreamTeam
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We are lucky ladies aren’t we to be spoiled like that.#Dreamteam
Wow, he’s so sweet and kind, it’s the opposite in our home, I’m the one running about while my hubby encourages the kids to be independent, to serve each other and us! Your husband made me think of that book ‘The Five Languages of Love’, it sounds like one of his love languages is acts service, it’s one of mine too so actions like that speak very strongly to me! It also helped me understand the different ways people demonstrate love. Your girls are very lucky, I hope they find husbands like him one day too! #Blogcrush
Author
The girls and I am very lucky to have him in our lives – he will do anything for us so we are grateful and appreciate him. Thanks for reading my post.#blogcrush
What an interesting read. Do they ever try it with you, or is it always just dad who gets the orders? It never occurred to me that little ones may think that we like waiting on them! Food for thought. Thanks so much for joining us for the #DreamTeam x
Author
Not a chance – they know that I don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour and they won’t push the boundaries. Although it annoys me, their dad simply loves waiting on them. Real daddy’s girls.#dreamteam
Gosh it is the same in our house. Just this morning my daughter played my husband like a pro! so annoying. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama
Author
It seems as if girls just know how to manipulate their dads and the best is they fall for it.#StayClassyMama
Aaaw. My girls always go to daddy when they want something as I’m definitely the stricter parent so, given the option, they know they’re more likely to get it if they ask daddy. I do sometimes envy him because, as he’s not around as much (I’m a SAHM), he can be more lenient, whereas I am the everyday-parent so I need to enforce the ground rules. #blogcrush
Saw this at #blogcrush. Very interesting as my daughter comes to me (she is 21) and I often say no. My ex thinks she is the stricter parent but I am usually the one who is making her work for stuff and I don’t go out and drink with her. I am lenient in some ways but stricter in many others.