• Hands-off my butt! {The uninvited and unwanted butt slap}

    handsoff butt uninvited unwanted butt slap

    I’m only writing about this now as it took me some time to get over the initial shock of what transpired.

    A few Saturdays ago we were doing the park run. My husband and youngest daughter did the run and my eldest daughter and I brisked walked.

    Not thinking of much, my daughter and I were conversing in general and admiring the dogs on the trail. By this time my husband and youngest daughter were long gone with the runners.

    Three-and-a-half kilometers into our walk a guy slapped me on my butt and ran off. Shocked out of my core and so was my daughter.

    I let rip and blurted out a couple of swear words.

    “What the f$%%”

    “You damn b%$%^”

    But he blatantly ignored me and was so fast that I couldn’t catch up with him. The whole incident happened in a flash and I didn’t even get a glimpse of his face. All I remember is that he wore a gray top and blue running shorts, was fair of complexion and medium built. My daughter who witnessed the act, also did not see his face as he came from behind us.

    No one else saw what happened. Perhaps someone did but didn’t want to get involved.

    Of course stared at by fellow runners and walkers. Probably thinking to themselves – who is this lunatic that is ranting and raving.

    Disturbed, mortified and shaken by the incident. I felt dirty, invaded and powerless.  Did this really just happen to me?

    Walking as fast as we could, we looked around to see if we could recognize him.   At that moment we just wanted to finish this walk and get to my husband and youngest daughter.

    Eventually meeting up with them, I told my husband what happened.  Immediately he wanted to know what the guy looked like and told me to report the incident to the park run organisers as well as the ADT security guard who was on duty.

    Which I did.

    There was nothing much they could do about the incident. And  there was no way this creep was still around. Even if he was, we couldn’t identify him as we didn’t see his face.  There were like hundreds of male park runners that Saturday, with a few fitting the body built description and dressed in the exact colours like the creep.

    So I let it go.

    After redeeming myself and being in a calm state, I apologized to my daughter for using harsh words and acting out. Telling both of them that if something like this ever happened to them or any form of harassment, they should report it immediately.

    However in South Africa although the Harassment Act allows the victim to get a protection order from the court in an event of sexual harassment, the sad thing is that this does not protect you from once off incidences, wolf whistling, sexual remarks by strangers who you will probably never see again.

    This incident has sparked a red flag for my daughter.  These days when we do the park run or just go for a walk, she is much more aware of her surroundings. I want my daughters to be cautious and safe yet fearless.

    This was not an accident. It was a deliberate slap on the butt that was uninvited and unwanted.

    So, to the creep who slapped me on the butt that Saturday – you might have gotten away with it this time, or even a couple of times for that matter but there will be a day when you will not be so lucky.

    Did this ever happen to you? Please share your experience in the comment box.



    1. May 17, 2018 / 11:15 pm

      Wow. That’s so weird. And why would anyone do that, other than to get a reaction from you (cos it’s not like they get any gratification from it). What a dickhead. #Stayclassymama

      • Noleen Miller
        May 18, 2018 / 10:04 am

        Because they think they have the power violate someone like that. Plus I’m probably not the first person he did it to – there are probably so many others but this actions will catch up with him one day #stayclassymama

    2. May 18, 2018 / 3:18 am

      Wow. I don’t know what I would have done is that scenario. Glad your daughter got to see you taking action after a negative situation. I think you did exactly what needed doing. But I am also sorry to hear you had to experience this at all.Jess#StayClassyMama

      • Noleen Miller
        May 18, 2018 / 10:09 am

        Thanks for your empathy. I was surprised at my reactions after coming to my sensors. I know of some women who just go numb and can’t get a word out to actually react. As this happened to them on the train, in an elevator and so many other places. This is something that no one should endure and although I’m over it now – this experience has been be more mindful about jogging or walking alone #stayclassymama

    3. May 19, 2018 / 1:34 am

      Wow, how awful. Gosh, how one would like to see him shamed or called out. Obviously has done it before and will do so again #BlogCrush

      • Noleen Miller
        May 21, 2018 / 9:03 am

        Yes it is obvious that he has done this before and feel no shame. But I believe that one day he will do it again to someone else and will be caught out eventually #blogcrush

    4. May 21, 2018 / 12:01 pm

      What a horrid experience. Glad you are ok. What an absolutely dumb neanderthal he is. Sad that our daughters still has see this struggle to be shown respect. #globalblogging

      • Noleen Miller
        May 21, 2018 / 1:10 pm

        Thanks Jeanette – yes I’m over it now but more cautious when we go for a walk or run. My daughter is more aware of stranger-danger now as she witnessed it #globalblogging

    5. May 21, 2018 / 12:45 pm

      This was definitely a serious incident. I had a funnier one happen to me during a trail run last weekend. The man behind me said “Nice butt”, then passed me. I was going to give him apiece of my mind, then stopped and laughed. He was saying “Nice BUFF”. We were both wearing a buff that was given out at a previous race!

      • Noleen Miller
        May 21, 2018 / 1:08 pm

        Yes mine was indeed serious and more invasive. Luckily you realised in time what he was referring to. LOL.

    6. May 22, 2018 / 10:40 am

      Urgh, that’s horrible behaviour. I can’t imagine what makes people think they have the right to do things like that. Actually, reading this made me remember something I’d totally forgotten about – I got a boob grabbed on my way to college one day (must have been 17) and it happened so quickly I half wondered if I’d imagined it. At the time, being basically a child, I just kept walking, feeling a bit baffled. I’d like to think at the grand old age of 40, I’d have punched his lights out! May our kids grow up in a world where this nonsense doesn’t happen any more! #itsok

      • Noleen Miller
        May 22, 2018 / 10:54 am

        So sorry that this happened to you when you were 17 even though it has been many years – it was still degrading. The fact that they think they have the power to do it makes me so angry. Nothing is being done to protect us from street sexual harrassment, whistle blowing and tasteless comments. I’ve told my girls to be more aware and to kick up a hell of a racket if something like that ever happened to them #itsok.

    7. Wow, this is terrible! And to think he did that when your young daughter was with you too! Such a shame he’s gotten away with it…but as you say, let’s hope he gets his comeuppance very soon. #ItsOk

      • Noleen Miller
        May 23, 2018 / 9:00 am

        He had no shame – just glad that he didn’t do it to my daughter. Just the fact that he ignored me showed that it wasn’t an accident and that it is not the first time he is doing it to someone #itsok.

    8. May 22, 2018 / 7:01 pm

      How terrible! I hope it doesn’t put you or your daughter off future runs and I hope you both realise that most men are not sexist predatory idiots like this one. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

      • Noleen Miller
        May 23, 2018 / 9:09 am

        Well at first we were a bit apprehensive and very cautious but I’ve told her that we shouldn’t let that incident prevent us from doing what we love and that is to walk in the outdoors. So we still do the park run and take the dogs for a walk on the walking trail. #stayclassymama

    9. May 23, 2018 / 11:51 am

      That happened to me while I was commuting to work and I was so shocked I didn’t say anything. Still cross with myself!

      • Noleen Miller
        May 25, 2018 / 9:06 am

        Apparently it happens on the tube, trains and buses a lot. I think the actual shock numbs you but in my case I don’t know what came over me but I was just ranting.

    10. May 23, 2018 / 3:39 pm

      That’s terrible! I remember in my youth something very similar to this happened to me and I too was quite shocked but I was not mature enough to even make sense of it at the time i reckon. Thank you for sharing with #stayclassymama

      • Noleen Miller
        May 25, 2018 / 9:04 am

        Thanks Pat, it was a shocker to me too as it is the first time something like this happened to me. Some say that it was sad that my daughter witnessed it but in essence I’m actually glad she did which made her aware that these things actually happen. It also taught her to be more aware of her surroundings #stayclassymama

    11. May 24, 2018 / 11:44 am

      Oh how horrible for you! How can he possibly think it is okay to do something like that?? At least it has made your daughter aware and shown her that that sort of thing is not acceptable and that she has a right to say no to any advancement that is not invited or wanted. I hope you are okay – it must’ve shaken you all up. #blogcrush

    12. May 25, 2018 / 9:45 am

      It amazes me how people think this is OK to do to someone. Why would you even think to do it? I hope you’re ok now #fortheloveofblog

      • Noleen Miller
        May 25, 2018 / 2:57 pm

        Thanks Tracey – I’m ok now. I think I’m over the initial shock but yes some people think it’s ok to do these kind of acts and get away with it. They think they have the power to do it. But hopefully one day he will be caught out #fortheloveofblog

    13. May 25, 2018 / 9:58 pm

      OOhhh my word! I’m so cross on your behalf. That’s really horrid. I don’t think people realise how offensive it is, until it’s been done to them. What a toad!!! It makes me so cross that men think its acceptable to cross those boundaries uninvited. You did the right thing reporting! Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam xx

    14. May 27, 2018 / 8:57 pm

      I will never understand why people think they have a right to put their hands on somebody else’s body. I’m glad you taught your daughter that she doesn’t have to be silent when things like this happen. #GlobalBlogging

      • Noleen Miller
        May 30, 2018 / 9:10 am

        Well I think it’s more about having power. This incident was a real eye opener to my daughter and I can tell you she is now interested in taking up self defense classes. #globalblogging

    15. May 28, 2018 / 4:29 pm

      It’s awful that some think this is acceptable behaviour – it isn’t. It sounds like you did all you could to alert awareness #itsok

    16. May 28, 2018 / 7:30 pm

      It’s such a sad state of affairs that the incident you went through is all too common. I’d ask the Park Run organisers to make sure in the briefing that they remind people to be kind and courteous to others. Park run is meant to be a positive community (I’m part of the community myself). So sorry you had to go through this and that they didn’t seem to do anything. Hope he didn’t get a PB after that stunt. Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG again. xx

      • Noleen Miller
        May 30, 2018 / 9:06 am

        They have actually made announcements about being courteous to runners/walkers and to keep dogs on their leashes. I suppose they can’t point out that particular incident out. Well he was so fast – he probably did get a PB (idiot). But I’m over it now, just more aware especially when people pass me from behind #fortheloveofblog

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