When your child doesn’t look their age.
It did not surprise me when my daughter gave a sarcastic response of “I might not look like a nine-year old to you; but I am – okay”.
This was in reply to a family member’s comment on her size that does not match her age. If I said this was the first time such a comment was made, I would be lying. It happens all the time. Uninvited comments from strangers, family and friends.
Comments like…
“Oh you so tiny”
“What!, In grade 4, but you look as if you should be in Grade 1”
“My 5 year old niece is bigger than you”
“Your parents need to feed you more, you are just sticks and bones”
She has endured these comments for the longest time. At first she would just brush it off and smile but over time I could see it is really starting to annoy her. Honestly, I don’t blame her for her recent reaction. To be scrutinized from head to toe is humiliating. My child is well aware that she is short for her age and therefore don’t need constant reminders of it.
Adding to the fuel of comments; same-age friends who are taller wants to pick her up. Obviously it frustrates her and we hear endless complaints about this and why she is not tall. She always falls in second position when the teacher lines them up from shortest to tallest. Due to height restrictions; she has been prohibited to go on certain obstacle courses and amusement park rides. So basically she has been pulling at the short end of the stick. No pun intended.
Nine year old, Mika is like any normal child her age. She has a healthy appetite for real good food and appreciates every bite. She has successfully reached all her milestones, is smart, energetic, resilient and feisty. Making her a force to be reckoned with and not to be underestimated. Besides a few height restrictions, she has the ability to do everything other kids her age or even older can do.
The only difference is, she is petite for her age. It is just what it is. And that is okay. Measuring children up against each other – some will be tall, some average, others short, skinny or chubby. Children come in different shapes and sizes. They grow and develop differently. Often genetics play a part in how children grow as well. My husband is not the tallest person so that could be a contributing factor as well.
Looking back; Mika’s birth weight was 3kg and length 49cm. This falls within the normal range for newborns. During the first 4 months of her life, she was breastfed. But even when switching over to formula, her growth chart indicated steady growth during our visits to the wellness clinic and paedeatrician. At the age of two and a half, she started slimming down. This is also normal as growth and weight gain slows down during the toddler years. Percentiles change as children grow older.
For now, I can say for sure that there is no cause for concern about my daughter’s height and weight. According to the BMI Percentile Calculator her weight is healthy and she falls within the 5th and 85th percentile. As long as my child is healthy and is showing steady growth; I am happy. And that is all that matters. Children often go through a growth spurt when they reach puberty. Of course when growth really stagnates and there is a developmental delay then it will be a real concern.
On the other hand, being petite has it’s benefits. Mika does not outgrow her clothing as quick as her sister does. This is a financial saving as she gets a longer wear out of her clothes. As she looks young for her age, people think she is cute and this allows her to get away with discounted rates.
Although I can not control other people’s comments about my child’s body image. I can control what I say in front of her. Admittedly, I have been guilty of letting slip a few unintentional and innocent remarks myself. Although it has been positive slip outs. Words carry power and children pick up on this. And it needs to stop.
Both my husband and I have spoken to our daughter about this. Explaining to her that her size is normal and that she will grow at her own pace. I don’t want her to worry about her appearances. At all costs, I want to avoid her from developing an inferiority complex. No one should make her feel uncomfortable or isolate her due to her size. We have told her that should she in any way feel discriminated against due to her size; she should assert herself like she did with the family member or come and tell us.
So, next time you want to comment on a child’s body image, think before you say something.
Yes, my daughter is small for her age and I’m okay with it but most importantly, she is okay with it. Like they say dynamite comes in small packages.
Nothing wrong with not being tall, my daughter is nearly 15 and still just 5ft 2 inches. I think as she hasn’t grown for over a year that’s probably it. I am only an inch tallet and my husband over 6 ft but nature decided not for her. Just one of those things and we are fine with it too. Being healthy is all that matters. #TwinklyTuesday
It would be boring if we are all the same, variety keeps the world note interesting X #triumphanttales
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For sure – we are all unique in our own way #triumphanttales
My young cousin had the same issues and she grew up to be a tomboy to compensate. She is cute and very athletic and I guess just learned to roll with it. It’s hard to explain that people don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I guess that’s all part of being a kid.
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Unsolicited comments about a child’s body image can make or a break a child’s self-esteem.
People don’t think before they speak a lot of the time, and sometimes they are just rude! It’s such a shame as it can be damaging. My three year old has the opposite problem – he is so tall he looks five! It’s not been an issue so far, but obviously he’s not quite as emotionally intelligent as a five year old, so when he’s having a tantrum in the supermarket people give us odd looks! I’ve also been asked why he’s not in school yet – because he’s not old enough! All the men on both sides of my family are 6ft 2in so he’s just going to be the same! Thanks for linking up. See you next week! #ItsOK
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Words spoken can be hurtful sometimes and children take in everything that you say. Like I said children come in different shapes and sizes and genetics play a big role #itsok
It’s a shame that people need to comment. I was quite tall growing up and always had comments about my height. Now, I’m so short compared to my older kids, even my 13 yr old is the same height as me…we are just tall and there is nothing wrong with that…just as there is nothing wrong with being short. x#itsok
I have one of those. Most hilarious was in Hawaii all these kids younger than her were telling her she was a good swimmer because they thought she was 4 when she was 7. hehehe. Even now at 10 people think she’s about 6.On the plus, when we buy her tickets to things, often the vendor will say ‘No, she’s free’ ha! #Stayclassymama
I agree with Helen. Things like this can stay with a child for so long. People used to comment on my daughter’s height all the time. She’s really tall for her age and they would gawk at her like she was an object with no feelings! #StayClassyMama
I so wish people would keep their opinions on a child’s size to themselves. My daughter is really tall for her age and it’s commented in so much I think she’s starting to feel self conscious about it. #blogcrush
Ah, bless her. I get it. We often think that because they are just kids, the innocently made comments about their physical appearance don’t matter. But they really do, to the child themself. Great post. Thanks for linking up to the #ItsOK Linky. Hope to see you back next week.
As a fellow short arse, it’s quite a good way to get chatting to guys when she’s late teens as they love a short girl… it has it’s perks, but I still can’t reach the top cupboards hahaha!Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!
I understand people feel like they need to comment on something to make chit chat, but that one about her mommy feeding her is insulting. I can only imagine how irritating it must be to hear all of this! People need to stop commenting on the looks of children so much and see them for the complex humans they are. #DreamTeam
My eldest is the smallest in her class and one of the smallest in her year and she’s just started to say that she hates it. I tell her great things come in small packages! Thanks for linking up #twinklytuesday
that seems so unfair that other adults would say things like this without thinking. Funny how people are concerned about upsetting someone over being over weight, but seem to think small and slim is ok to comment on #globalblogging
Good points. Your daughter may be petite, and if she stays that way she will still be able to get into some great clothes when she is an adult. #GlobalBlogging
We are small in my family (my sister isn’t even 5 feet tall!) so get lots of height comments. Zach is very small for his age and still wears 1 year old clothese even though he is about to turn 3. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama
My daughter has the opposite problem in that lots of people expect far too much of her because she is tall and looks a lot oldere than she is. She is only 4 at the moment but your post has made me realise that I need to be more careful about people (including myself) commenting on her height so as not to make a big issue out of it #blogcrush
I am coming back in with #GlobalBlogging